THE MOTHER OF ALL NEWSLETTERS

Welcome to the Mother’s Day edition of the Glennda Gazette, y’all! Hope every mom (and mother figure) out there is able to relax and celebrate in style this weekend.

A few years ago, back when I was still married, I was having one heck of a successful spring. I closed on two $4M houses in the same day (what?!) and had sixteen more closings that month. Real estate can be feast or famine, and y’all, this was a feast.

I said to my husband, “Let’s take a little chunk of this windfall and make some lifelong memories. We should celebrate by bringing our entire extended families to the beach. Your kids, my kids, their kids, we’ll bring everybody.” I had found the most perfect waterfront rental at a price so reasonable I had to stop myself from giving the owners a coaching session.

And what did my husband say to me?

He said, “I don’t want to spend the money.” The money that I had earned from eighteen closings in one month.

We ended up doing something far less grand or inclusive because he only wanted to use credit card points. I spent the trip mourning the missed opportunity to bond with the family as a whole.

One divorce later, my entire extended family now has a tradition of spending Mother’s Day week at the most fabulous beach rental, making lifelong memories. I regret nothing… save for wishing my own mother could be there with us.

People are always asking me specifics on where they should buy.

Two things to note here: first, I’m sorry, but I am not your mother so I can’t tell you what to do. Second, even if I were, it’s actually illegal for me to steer anyone into a certain place. But the good news is, I have great advice on how you can determine where you’d fit in best.

I always get nostalgic for my mother at this time of year—it’s impossible not to. If I had to pinpoint my favorite memory with my mom, I’d be hard-pressed because there are thousands of them, far too many to name. However, one of my funniest ones was once when she and I went out for dinner years ago.

I’d arranged a date for later that night. I was supposed to go out with this guy and so I thought, “Okay, I'll just have dinner with my mom real quick and then I'll come back home and he and I will go to the movies.”

This was a Friday night—remember I'm 1,000 years old so this is before cell phones—so I got home and it was almost 11:00 o'clock because once you started my mom and me talking, we were impossible to stop. We totally lost track of the time, such was our conversation.

So we got back to my house and my date was slumped there on the stoop, just exhausted from waiting for me to come home. He glances at his watch and he tells my mother, “I think that you're a bad influence, Mrs. Baker.” Then she looks him up and down and she goes, “Then it's a good thing I don't give a shit about what you think.”

Oh, what I would give for one more day, one week, one month, one year with her! I would wait forever because just having the opportunity to hang out with her and laugh with her and cut up, it was everything.

My mother used to take Victoria every afternoon for an ice cream at the Chick-fil-A. She’d take her at four o'clock each day. Victoria totally worked her so she would get almost done with her ice cream and then she would drop the ice cream, so my mom would go back and get a second. Victoria thought she was being so slick. My mom knew she was being worked, yet she was a willing participant.

The other day I said to my grandson, “Let’s get ice cream.” And Callie said, “Yeah, Glitter, let's get ice cream.” Oh my stars, the opportunity to go and get him that ice cream, I mean I almost couldn't speak. It reminded me so much of my mom and the time my mom had spent with little Victoria. Now as the grandma, I'm getting to spend that time with Callie. To me, I just think I would do anything to have my mom in the car going to get ice cream at Chick-fil-A. As mundane as it sounds, of anything in the world that I could do—if I could close my eyes and snap my fingers, I would be going to get an ice cream with my mom.

If you have the opportunity to do whatever your version of the same is this week, I beg of you, take advantage of it.